No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
