well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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