he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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