PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
