I'm gonna have a badass scar
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
