well I can't set my house on fire every night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
