1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
