absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
