uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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