I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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