wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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