we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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