Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
