Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
