I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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