I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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