so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
