Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
