Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
