It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
