Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
