I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
