i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
