i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
