i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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