So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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