I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
