I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
