we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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