Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
