I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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