Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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