My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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