Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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