Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
