Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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