after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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