End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
