the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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