Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
