I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
