You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
