Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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