Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
