I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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