you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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