Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
