I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
