I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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