I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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