We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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