summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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