My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
