my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
